To really yield

It’s only day two of the new year.  How’s yours going so far?

I think I’m going through sugar withdrawal. 

I had the alarm set for 5 this morning, intending to start the new year off right!  I was planning to get to the gym and be back and showered before the rest of the family had even stirred.  It’s been about a month since I’ve stepped foot inside its’ doors.   But, when my alarm went off, I decided I could start doing that next week.  I admit, I was being a bit ambitious being that I’ve only done that about one time in my whole life.  I guess when the rubber meets the road, I’m more of an ease into the new year kind of girl. 

My two older daughters, Karis and Olivia, are back to school today.  Husband back to work – after a week and a half long vacation.  He was feeling the Sunday night blues four times over -- all day yesterday.  Can you relate?  I woke up this morning the second time (much later than five) wanting desperately to listen to God’s voice to see what the day should look like.  Sometimes when there are so many options on the table, I feel like I’m spinning around in circles trying to figure out the best direction to go. I was actually a little excited to get back to our old routine. 

But, my day was planned out for me already, I just didn’t know it yet.  Emily woke up with a high fever this morning and has only wanted to sit on my lap all morning.  From the outside, I’m sure it’s easy to see that that was exactly where I needed to be.  And, for those of you whose kids are grown, you’d do anything for another day of holding your little warm, squishy, three year old baby again. That is sadly not the attitude I was having.  I kept trying to talk her into lying in the bed – I’d be right there beside her in the chair.  I tried telling her I’d sit next to her in the bed --would she just please lay down – I’d be right there next to her!  Of course I’m thinking….I’ll be right there next to you doing all the more important things I need to do. 

She would have nothing to do with those ideas. 

So, there we sat all morning in the lazyboy in my room, comfy bed in sight.  All 32 pounds of her warm body lying heavily against me, blankets to boot.  Wasn’t even able to read really because I needed both arms to keep her propped up.  And, what else was there to do other than pray?   

God, what are you doing?  

 It’s obvious You just want me to sit here for awhile and be quiet.  

 I know, God, I know I should be enjoying this moment.  That this is the most important thing I have to do right now.   

Why is it so hard for me to be a servant?   

To have a servant’s heart?   

To put people before my list of things to do?   

You came to earth to be a servant, and I have such a hard time putting other people’s needs before mine.  I end up treating my family like they are just interruptions to the other-wise very important things I could be doing.   

That’s not who I want to be.   

Help me get my priorities straight.  

 Help me not to wish my life away.  

 Help me to learn from Ann Voskamp.  To be thankful for every moment.  

And, more importantly help me to want to be like You, to take up my cross daily and follow You.

 And, to really yield to You.   

Amen.