Lice Lessons....a reflection of 2012

I know what you’re thinking….“Poor dear….only her second blog post and she’s already made such a grotesque spelling error in her title!”  Let me just start by saying, “Oh how I wish that were true!”  My daughter (and I will protect her name since she will probably read this) had lice, not once but twice within a four month period of time last year.  I remember saying to a friend after the first go-round, “I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again”.  That was the first time.  Imagine me after the second time! The second time around with lice was how we began 2012 – literally!  

 It was New Years day…Happy New Year!!!!!   

Now, you have to know about me that New Years Day is a day that I have come to love over the years.  The Christmas frenzy is over.  And, it feels like there is a brightness in looking toward the future.  In my family, we would sit down and make our new years’ goals  (not resolutions because my dad insisted we wouldn’t actually keep them, so you can’t call them resolutions).  But, we made these goals with hopes and dreams of bettering ourselves in the new year.  I  remember feeling last new year that 2011 was a year I was eager to say good-bye to,  move on,  forge ahead….and there were so many reasons for that.  I was ready for a brighter future, and some putting the past behind….our dealing with lice being one of the things I was very ready to put in the past. 

But....that’s not how it happened!  New Years day 2012 may have started with hopes for a bright future, but it ended very differently.  After standing and falling so many times in 2011, I felt like I was just daring to hope again, only to be smacked back down!  I was furious!  I was exhausted!  I felt completely wrung out!  Maybe I haven’t fully explained to you what dealing with lice does to me –  some people deal with it better than I do.   

I require medication!  

 But, even in my anger that day, I couldn’t help but know somewhere deep inside that this wasn’t some accident – was it really a coincidence that we found the lice on the day I had come to associate with hope and new beginnings?  A day where I could look into my future, and tell myself and my future what I wanted to do, accomplish, and be?  

I knew that day, although I didn’t completely understand why, that God was behind it.  And furthermore, what I also knew was that He was messing with me!  He was!  That may not fit with the notion we have that God is good and loving and caring, but then again, maybe it does!  If you’ve ever watched the Biggest Loser before you may be familiar with the personal trainer, Jillian, who is notorious for breaking people down and pushing them to their breaking point, so they can truly begin to change.  She makes people suffer – blood, sweat and tears and often vomit!   But, here’s what’s true, although not always readily apparent – it is always intentional and for their ultimate good.  God was, and not for the first time either, being Jillian to me. 

And, there are several messages I feel that God gave me as my lice lessons that became the driving force of my 2012.  The first one was “Yield to me”.  “Don’t go off on your own, trying to make your life work all by yourself.  The timing of all that you deem important is completely in My hands”.  The second message was “I am your King”.  God doesn’t bow to me and what I want my life to look like.  I bow to Him.  He’s the One who gets to call the shots.  I may think my list of things to do and be is so important, but He says to me “Listen to My voice so you can always be sure you are doing what I have planned for you and filling your place in this world.”  The third message was “Lean into me”.  I often try to do so many good things, but if I do them on my own, they are failures.  God said, “You will do many things, but lean into me and I will sustain you.  Do not rest in yourself.  Rest in Me.” 

I know that the correct spiritual and pious way to end this post is to say how truly thankful I am for lice.   That I'm thankful that lice was a part of my life.  So sorry…. I will never utter those words!  I am very thankful, however, for God taking something like lice, allowing, maybe even causing it, in order to show me these lessons and literally force me to listen to Him.  I am thankful that He cares that much!  That He never, ever stops pursuing me or my heart….or yours!  And, I'm even thankful that He's willing to go to any extreme to do it.  He always turns everything to good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (as it says in Romans 8 -- and I'm being too lazy to look up the exact verse).  It is for that, I am truly and will forever be grateful. 

I don't wish lice or any other Jillian experience on myself or anyone.  I wish for you all a blessed and happy 2013!  But, as we make our new years goals (not resolutions), may we remember to yield to our King and lean into Him in everything He calls us to do and be, now and throughout the year.

 And now…. I need to go check my kids’ heads!

P.S. Thank you to my niece, Anna, for giving me a shout-out on her blog.  Please be sure to check her blog out as well which you will see on the side of my page--it's called Fighting Entropy.  Her brother, my nephew Wil, is also blogging at Sitting Down to Bleed.  Check them out -- they're my inspiration.  

living in graceland

Why do I want to blog?  It’s not because I feel I have some extraordinary gift of writing; I’m actually not sure there’s a gift here at all.  It’s not that I feel I have some phenomenal words of wisdom to be shared.  In fact, I am always searching for more wisdom myself.  It's not that I am seeking attention or accolades or any other form of self-seeking flattery.  First, I'm not sure that what I write would invoke any of these things to begin with, and second, anyone who knows me knows that I actually actively try to avoid as much attention as I can most of the time.  I simply feel compelled to express myself and to be known.  It’s a desire that’s been rising up within me for some time.  It has become an undeniable urge.  I’ve begun writing in my head –at stoplights, while driving, anytime I’m by myself really.  Here’s the rub – I’m not by myself a lot of the time, having 3 very active girls – the youngest being three, and not in school yet.  I lead a busy life.  And, I ask myself...do I really have time for this? 

Here is where I have finally arrived.  There comes a point in your life where you can either sit on the sidelines, wishing and waiting, admiring others who are in the game of life, doing the things they are passionate about (that you are passionate about), wanting to be like them, wishing you had the time or more resources or…… you get the idea.  Or you can Carpe Diem!  Seize the Day!  The world (in general) does not hand opportunities to you on a silver platter.  It doesn’t say, “Slow down, take a rest, breathe”.  It is up to me to trump the frenzied rat race and follow my God-given voice from within that leads to peace and wholeness and true image-bearing glory.  If I don’t make the time for these reflections and for self-expression, who I truly was created to be can never fully emerge.  So, I begin this blogging quest, making a few grammatical errors, but obeying that still small voice that I sense is leading me to express myself in this manner – not certain that it is for anyone else’s good other than my own. 

It’s probably obvious why I titled my blog graceland – my name being Grace and all.  My friends in seminary nicknamed me "Graceland", which eventually morphed into "Gracelyn".  I hope to write about me, Grace, and my own personal world and experiences and the Divine lessons I am continually learning just from living life.  But, another reason for the naming of my blog is that I can feel God actively trying to infuse His message of grace into my life right now.  He is taking the very cerebral, theological concept of grace from my head, moving it down and ever so slowly, massaging it into my heart.  And, along with that, He’s asking me not only to accept His grace for me, but to daily offer grace to myself as well...to myself first, so that I am more able to truly offer it to others. 

There are many lessons to be learned still, and hopefully that means there will be much to write about.  I am far from perfect.  I quite often learn more from my mistakes because of God’s forgiveness and what He does with all my imperfections.  That said, I may not be painting myself in the prettiest light all the time, maybe not even most of the time.  But, I don’t have to….cuz I’m not just “goin’ to graceland”, I'm living in graceland.