living in graceland

Why do I want to blog?  It’s not because I feel I have some extraordinary gift of writing; I’m actually not sure there’s a gift here at all.  It’s not that I feel I have some phenomenal words of wisdom to be shared.  In fact, I am always searching for more wisdom myself.  It's not that I am seeking attention or accolades or any other form of self-seeking flattery.  First, I'm not sure that what I write would invoke any of these things to begin with, and second, anyone who knows me knows that I actually actively try to avoid as much attention as I can most of the time.  I simply feel compelled to express myself and to be known.  It’s a desire that’s been rising up within me for some time.  It has become an undeniable urge.  I’ve begun writing in my head –at stoplights, while driving, anytime I’m by myself really.  Here’s the rub – I’m not by myself a lot of the time, having 3 very active girls – the youngest being three, and not in school yet.  I lead a busy life.  And, I ask myself...do I really have time for this? 

Here is where I have finally arrived.  There comes a point in your life where you can either sit on the sidelines, wishing and waiting, admiring others who are in the game of life, doing the things they are passionate about (that you are passionate about), wanting to be like them, wishing you had the time or more resources or…… you get the idea.  Or you can Carpe Diem!  Seize the Day!  The world (in general) does not hand opportunities to you on a silver platter.  It doesn’t say, “Slow down, take a rest, breathe”.  It is up to me to trump the frenzied rat race and follow my God-given voice from within that leads to peace and wholeness and true image-bearing glory.  If I don’t make the time for these reflections and for self-expression, who I truly was created to be can never fully emerge.  So, I begin this blogging quest, making a few grammatical errors, but obeying that still small voice that I sense is leading me to express myself in this manner – not certain that it is for anyone else’s good other than my own. 

It’s probably obvious why I titled my blog graceland – my name being Grace and all.  My friends in seminary nicknamed me "Graceland", which eventually morphed into "Gracelyn".  I hope to write about me, Grace, and my own personal world and experiences and the Divine lessons I am continually learning just from living life.  But, another reason for the naming of my blog is that I can feel God actively trying to infuse His message of grace into my life right now.  He is taking the very cerebral, theological concept of grace from my head, moving it down and ever so slowly, massaging it into my heart.  And, along with that, He’s asking me not only to accept His grace for me, but to daily offer grace to myself as well...to myself first, so that I am more able to truly offer it to others. 

There are many lessons to be learned still, and hopefully that means there will be much to write about.  I am far from perfect.  I quite often learn more from my mistakes because of God’s forgiveness and what He does with all my imperfections.  That said, I may not be painting myself in the prettiest light all the time, maybe not even most of the time.  But, I don’t have to….cuz I’m not just “goin’ to graceland”, I'm living in graceland.